Lasting Friendship

I have recently re-connected with so many friends through Facebook. I wanted to share a few realizations that I have made.

When I was growing up my family moved alot, the longest I ever attended one elementary school was 2 1/2 years and that was at Lee School in Azusa, CA. While there I became friends with a group of girls, and for once bonded. I finished out the remainder of my 6th grade year at Murray Elementary, also in Azusa. I didnt make friends there because I really missed the friends I had made at Lee School. After moving 2 more times, I ended back in Azusa at the same Middle school with the friends I had missed so much! Then on to AHS, at this point I started drifting towards dysfuntional people like myself. It didnt appear that I had anything in common with those young girls that I had held so close to my heart. I always seemed to try to gain acceptance from them, and finally now as an adult I realize that none of that matters. I know this sounds very immature and petty. I am trying to make a point, as well as share a realization that I have made and hope to get to the point as quickly as possible.

This past weekend I went to visit a neighbor, who is also the mother of old friends. My friend Letty was there and we got to talking and what not and when I left I felt sad. One semester of my 7th grade year I went to school with her and hung around with her. When we moved back to Azusa, I didnt hold on to her friendship. I should have, I should have held on to all those connections that I had made. Now as an adult I have re-connected with so many people that had crossed my path, and went un-noticed. They have all grown up together, made and shared memories with each other. The friendships I thought were worthy, were not. I really dont have friends. I have a couple of people that I am close to and I cherish them dearly. I have to admit I am very envious of all those people who have history together.

The funny thing thing is that the group of girls that I longed to be part of, and accepted by, never really did feel the same way about me. Not out of any type of maliciousness, I am sure they probably weren't aware of how much they meant to me. I was the one trying to hold on to a time that had been long gone. I realize now that I wanted to hold on to these friends because that was the first time in my life that I had any stability. I am glad that I can finally admit that to myself. I am going to try so very hard to hold on to those friends that I have re-connect with and start making new memories.

Like I said, I know this may come across immature, but it is how I felt then, and more importantly how I feel now.