Missing Them!

I still can not get over losing my mom and my uncle. All of my life I have dealt with death and handled it quite adultly. I thought my brother passing away was the worst pain I would ever feel. Honestly, because of the tumultous relationship I had with my mom I really didnt think her death would be as bad. I was so completely and irrevocably wrong! not a day goes by that I dont have to fight back my tears. If that wasnt heartbreaking enough, My dearest Uncle (Father) Tony died! I really dont think I can take much more. I know that I am blessed with my husband and kids, and my family. I thank god for all them because they keep me sane, even when I am at my wits end.

There are occassions when they have reached out to me. Many dont believe in other worldly experiences, but I do. So I dont know if, I am not letting them go, or they arent letting me go.. Maybe that is why my heart cant heal. I think I have to seek some spiritual guidance.

Traditions and Culture

Here I am at nearly 39 years old on a journey to reconnect with my Native American roots. Growing up my Uncle Tony really tried instilling the importance of keeping the culture alive and passing it on through our generations. Being stubborn, and young I ignored him and now I see and feel how much I am missing. I am making the individual effort to make my heritage a priority. I will give my kids all that I have missed.



So many things have occured in my life and my families life, so many things to be thankful for and so many things to put behind me. I know with every fiber of my soul that the peace I am in need of, as well as the spiritual gifts that I possess can be attributed to my Native ancestry. There is a natural connection that I feel towards the spiritual and physical structure of my people.

Health Update 2011

Looking back to last year I had a post titled "I wanna Scream"..I am happy to report that my health issues have worked out and all is clear. In Sept. 2010 I underwent Gastric Bypass Surgery. I am 85 lbs lighter than I was a year ago. I am feeling fantastic, and actually starting to like how I look. Having this procedure really saved my life. I had discovered during pre-op procedures that I had a malignant carcinoid tumor in the duodenal bulb of my stomach. That was removed and no more cancer cells were found. My hyperlipidemia and high blood pressure are completely gone. My energy level has increased and so my kids have gotten a better, faster, funner momma! I truly believe that this decision was the best for my family and myself. The hard part has been in dealing with people who think that the surgery was an easy way out. Let me tell you there is not one thing easy about this procedure! When I was told that it was in my best interest to have the surgery, I kept it from many people. The reason being that when I wasnt sure it would happen, I got alot of negativity. I figured that this surgery was very important and I needed only positivity around me. I of course told people after I had gotten through the first few weeks post-op. I have to reiterate to those of you who are still thinking this is an easy out for us, it is not! There is the first physical pain your body endures, then the first 4 weeks of self starvation, and the toughest part for me...the emotional part. You physical appearance changes so drastically and so quickly that for me it was very hard to deal with. Your life changes, your daily routine changes...but for the better. If you can do it on your own, then you are truly blessed. The truth is that many of us have never been successful at doing it on our own. The moment you finally admit that, that is when your life changes. So before you start off saying to someone "I am not an expert" to someone who has had or is going to have the surgery, please realize that (we) they are an expert because this is something that required physical testing, research, education, and even a psychological evaluation. So please tread softly with your words. Just be supportive, that is all we need.

Traditions and Culture

Here I am at nearly 39 years old on a journey to reconnect with my Native American roots. Growing up my Uncle Tony really tried instilling the importance of keeping the culture alive and passing it on through our generations. Being stubborn, and young I ignored him and now I see and feel how much I am missing. I am making the individual effort to make my heritage a priority. I will give my kids all that I have missed.



So many things have occured in my life and my families life, so many things to be thankful for and so many things to put behind me. I know with every fiber of my soul that the peace I am in need of, as well as the spiritual gifts that I possess can be attributed to my Native ancestry. There is a natural connection that I feel towards the spiritual and physical structure of my people.